“…I see skies of blue, and clouds of white, The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night And I think to myself What a wonderful world.
The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky, Are also on the faces of people going by. I see friends shaking hands, sayin’, “How do you do?” They’re really sayin’, “I love you.”
I hear babies cryin’. I watch them grow. They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know And I think to myself What a wonderful world…”
It’s not a wonderful world because God has granted me miracles and blessings; and because I happen to be fortunate. It’s a wonderful world because he is ever present even in my waiting hour. Even when the answer is no he still shows me he’s loves me. Even through trials and tragedies, He stays true to who He is. The world isn’t wonderful because of my blessings. The world is wonderful because in the little part of it that I occupy I will ALWAYS have Him and no force of this world could ever change that.
I’ve told God so many lies I’ve lost track of the count. Lies about sin, broken promises, failed attempts at getting to know him better and be a loyal daughter. I’ve treated God like an acquaintance throughout my life. You know like one of those people you know of but you don’t really KNOW them or have a bond or close relationship. I’ve treated the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Great I am like an acquaintance…(GULP)… Now, I can confidently say I have a relationship with Christ. Sadly if anyone treated me the way I’ve treated God in the past I would forgive them but I would surely no longer allow them in my life. BUT GOD… He not only forgave (and continues to forgive me), He kept me, He adores me, He loves me, He calls me His. That is the best thing I’ve ever been called. Higher above mother, wife, college graduate or any other name; He calls me His. I say all this not so you can awe and marvel at the miracle happening within me; but, so you can understand just how good my God is. I want you to understand that I don’t deserve any of this but we don’t serve a God who works on deserving transactions. We serve the King of grace. I know I do. Because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have this story to tell. It is not all well because of the good but because through anything I have him and he keeps me.
When I found out I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and it was causing a block in my fertility, He held my tears in his hand. When I found out because of the PCOS I was at risk of diabetes and things in my life would have to change, He held my hand. Through every failed pregnancy test, He cradled me. Through the stomach aches and anxiety, He let me walk on his hands so my journey would be embedded in his concrete plan for me. Through the emotional roller coaster of it all, he watched over me. And… as I sat watching the two pink lines appear as gently as the flapping of an Angel’s wings, I knew that He was with me and he’s already seen this moment. Hours later I held my husband as he buried his head into my shoulder and wept tears of joy. I’ll never forget the sweet beautiful tone between his tear as he proclaimed “Thank you God”. Our family is growing. There is a blessing in my womb that has already found home in my heart. Baby Downard the second you are engraved in our timeline. You are engraved in our hearts. Our heavenly father sent you to answer our prayers. Thank you for coming to us. We so look forward to seeing you in December.
If you are reading this and you’ve never made it to this part in your story, please know that God is with you. Your story matters. You matter. God adores you! Pray your heart out for your desires, and when you feel empty pray for God to fill your heart with answers of what He desires for your life. Then embrace it. This will be one of the hardest prayers you’ve ever prayed because it represents surrender. It says God even if your answer to my plan is no, I believe in the power and divine eternity of your plan. I surrender my desires to you. You are with me. It is my hope that the way I live my life lets you know that I am with you.
“…Yes, I think to myself What a wonderful world.”