String of Pearls. It sounded so beautiful when she said it. And really, it probably would have been if I wasn’t in a doctor’s office looking at a screen. String of Pearls. As I was sent to the waiting room while my results were analyzed, impatience consumed me and with technology at my hands I Googled “String of Pearls”. I wish I hadn’t. As quickly as I had typed and hit send, my chest tightened at the countless results laid out on the screen in my hands. I soon realized my hands were shaking and I wondered if the couple next to me could hear my heart beating. I now knew what it meant and as the nice lady called me back my doctor confirmed what I had already read.
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS); are the three words that I heard. Very alert I could see her lips move to form every syllable of the words. I truly have a great doctor and I am so thankful to have the privilege of having health care. As the tears spilled over she quickly handed me a tissue, placed her hand on me (honestly an understanding hand is exactly what I needed), and said 5 words that confused me at first but then became encouraging; “This is a good thing.”
I knew it had to be good in a way. After all, I came here seeking answers and there it was; my answer. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS means different things for different women. For me I have a mild case and it means that we now know what we are working with. It also means that I can control my health and have planned out the best options for my family and I. It means that having another child will, again, be very difficult, but again, NOT impossible. We know that I have healthy eggs in my ovaries; but they stack up like a “String of Pearls” and we are unsure as to whether or not I am ovulating (which makes becoming pregnant more difficult). It also means that I had this with Traecee which would explain the difficulty getting pregnant there.
So, why would I share something so personal like this? If you’ve read my blog before you know that I have no problems with be transparent. Being open throughout my life and carrying an open heart has allowed me to turn my trials into testimonies. Also, because, although I’ll admit I felt many emotions when I heard this, what began to awaken my heart were the stories of women who promised to help educate and encourage other women with PCOS. As I read story after story, and even victory after victory; that invisible cloak of shame that I placed upon myself began to slowly deteriorate. I realized in fact, this is a good thing. I struggled with uncertainty, and now I have answers. I sometimes struggle with my eating and fitness, and now I have even more reason to fight through my weak moments. I am thankful for my son, and now… well I am just even more thankful for my little precious gift. This means that PCOS awareness will be even greater because God allowed his daughter to experience this so that others can become empowered. I promise to be empowering. I promise to encourage. And in the end I promise to rejoice no matter what. Through every tear I will praise His name. Through every test I will allow God’s truth to shine through so that others will see my faithful reactions and understand how good God truly is.
I talked to a friend about this today and she was surprised by how well I was responding. Well the truth is Thursday and Friday saw a flood of tears. But… Thursday directly after hearing this news I had to pick up my son from school. I thought I had wiped away all traces of tears from my eyes and cheeks. I practiced my smile in the mirror before I walked in to the checkout desk. But… the moment Mrs. Sara looked at me and said “You alright?” it was as if someone turned the faucet to high and removed the knobs. Mrs. Tabby (Traecee’s teacher) saw the tears pouring and held Traecee back a second while I received prayer. My good friend Hannah, who is also a nurse, talked to me for a long while because she knew what PCOS was and that I have a great doctor. She gave me lots of resources and answered even more questions about my options and how to respond faithfully. My Mom2Mom group has made the presence of their prayers for me very well-known and I can feel God working on me. Mrs. Michelle reminded me Friday that Satan whispers lies and I have to choose to fight. She even sent me some motivational scripture and Pinterest.
And my husband, well he has been everything that he always has been. He’s been exceptional. He’s educated himself so that he can know exactly what is happening in my body. He educated himself on all available options. He read the “homework’ from the doctor’s office as well. He has held me tighter these last few days. I am so thankful for the heart that beats within him and the soul that lives there. This is a good thing. This is not an impossible thing. Something extraordinary will happen if I choose to respond faithfully. I choose to respond faithfully!
My name is LaVonda. I understand that you’ve made your presence known and gotten comfortable there in my ovaries. Well, I consider this trespassing! I plan to kick your butt and make MY presence known.