Have you ever asked a question, whether in prayer, personal reflection, or in a group of peers, and it wasn’t until you were given the answer or resolution that you realized what you were really asking! In fact, I once saw a quote that said “I asked God to protect me from my enemies and I started losing friends”. Humorous but trust me I’ve been in the reality of this and it’s a rude awakening. For so long I have been asking for just one specific thing, and boy when I got it I was pretty shocked at the road I had to take to get there.
It all started with a butcher, or hairstylist and some like to call them. I scheduled an appointment ready and excited to spice up my style with just the smallest adjustment. Well, the man with the scissors had a different idea in mind. I went in with a lot of breakage in my hair but all I wanted was a bob cut which only required some trimming in the back since my hair naturally grows uneven… Now before you get bored know that there is a moral to this Edward scissor hands tale…
For months, well let’s be honest years, I’ve been dealing with low self esteem, as I blogged about before, and still I was trying hard to find a resolution. In physical aspects it all came down to my style starting at the top, my dreadful hair. If you follow me on Pinterest you’d get an idea of the style I want to perceive and if you know my personally you’d see the lack of confidence and comfortably I have to try anything new. I had been reflecting over and over again on how I could love myself and not care about my hair or anything else for that matter. I wanted to feel about myself the way that my husband feels for me. He sees nothing but beauty I often have to point my flaws out to him to which he responds “oh I didn’t even notice so why point it out.” I figured if I just find the right look, if I grow it out like the movies stars, or get the perfect shade of highlights then ‘Abracadabra’ instant confidence would strike like lighting and stay forever. Well this potion of misconceptions was not in the plans.
This day in the salon I received a very clear resolution. You can stress over something that isn’t there. Of course this is my exaggeration of the tale but as of now it’s working for me. When I turned around in the mirror I realized that either I had pointed to the wrong picture when requesting a hairstyle or I must have been speaking another language. What I thought was going to be a shoulder length Bob turned out to be more of a pixie cut. After an hour of tears and a night of uneasy rest I remembered what I had asked for. I had asked for the stress of worrying about my hair daily, hourly, to be gone so that I can focus on inner beauty. Let me tell you it was surely GONE. But what took its place was a woman who has realized my hair does not tell my story; neither do my clothes, shoes, or the things in between. That morning as I started to smile, a real and rare smile of confidence, my son walked passed me and my eyes locked on to the cute and smooth bald spot in the back of his hair. it has been there since birth but not once have I thought any less of him because of it. Sometimes as parents you have to use your kid(s) to push you into things you otherwise would not enter into. Like confidence. If my son ever asked me, “mommy does my bald spot make me look ugly?” I would simply respond baby you are not only the most beauty child I had ever seen but you were “fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14)” and on purpose; there is no mistaking that!
*Note that car was NOT in motion at time of picture drive safely my sweet reader ; )
With Grace and Love,